Children

Take a little time to read ! :D Parents ! Even if your children did something wrong, you can scold them for what they did but please don't ever bring up the past thing they did ! It is just like a knife stabbed in the children's heart again and again, just like putting salt unto the wound and being hurt is not fun thing ! Especially for children, because they have no one to talk in, they will just keep everything in their heart and they will create a world for themselves - a world that they won't be hurt. And they will shut their world to you and eventually to the world. And it is not easy for a children to walk out their own little world, if their own parents doesn't support them ! I know in the past you all have all difficult things to handle, like studying and working to support the family, but every person have different talents, different skill. You can study and work at the same time but that doesn't make your children able to do it. Yes you can compare, but can you think of your children feeling ? Can you phrase your word ? And words are also weapons ! .... Like - You are useless! - Are you stupid ? - I told you many time already right ? Why you just don't understand ?! - You are a shame to the family And etc etc . Why don't you change it to words that encourage them? Even they look strong on the outside they might be crying inside. 外表坚强但是心在哭. Kids that are more emotional will cry out, very easy and normally you just think they are reflecting on what they did wrong, but they actually cried because of the words you say. I cannot control my emotion well and when my mother scolded me, say that I am a shame to the family, i totally lost control, I lost all my control of telling myself not to cry no matter what. And my mother just ignore me and walk away, as a teen, those word are sharp knife for me. Not just because my mother walked away, but because she deny everything I did, even my existence, yes I am not a good kid. But i changed , I changed my attitude, I changed my behavior, and my mother still deny me. She still ignore me. So what can I do ? Commit Suicide ? Runaway? That also why some teen run away from from home, I wish i did, but I have no money and no place to stay ~ hahas .... And even if your children have good friends that they will talk about almost everything, but it doesn't means they will talk about the deep hurting things. Even theres a counsellor to help them, some children won't talk openly to them. As they will be embarrass. Not that the counsellor is useless, but because what the kid want is you, is you to listen what they need and want and help them, a counsellor can only do to some point, they cannot do everything for the kid, cos the counsellor can give the kid the Mother/Father's love that they need. Even if the counsellor is very kind and caring, they will just be a kind person to them, they can never be their parents. Only you ! Their parents, they will talk openly. Because 你要面子，他们也要. And you as their parent, they will feel safe in talk about everything. Please think about the feeling of children even though they are teen, For them you are the home they return to, please don't hurt them so much that they shut this home out ! You have your problem, your children also have their problems ! And no matter what, no matter now angry you are with them, don't ever say say " I am not your Mother/Father anymore" because once you say that, the last hope for the children to exit door of their own shut in world is completely close! And its more hard to make them come out. Because for them "I am not your Mother/Father anymore" equals to their "home" which is You, does not want them anymore and it equals to they have no place to return. And when your children say "You are no longer my Mother/Father" you don't have the rights to be angry with them, because they simply accepted what you said. And thats normally where all the trouble come .... - Skipping School - Drugs - Smoking - Drinking - Glue-sniffing And etc etc because they wanna find a place to return to, so they will find all sorts of friends that will accept them, and some friends will lead them to do things they shouldn't. And when your children does not talk back to you when you are scolding them, it doesn't means you are right, it is just they choose not to. For me, I choose to ignore because I know if I talk back, we will be quarreling whole day long. Sometime when my mother say things that I didn't do, I kept quiet. But the knife stabbing in my heart goes deeper and deeper, since my own mother does not believe in me. Which I think it is the same for every children ! And when they reach the limit, they will burst and they become more and more rebellious and then sayonara, because you will think of sending them into Girl's Home and Boy's home . Sometime when a kid become all sticky to you, might be because they wants your attention, we as children know that you parents have no choice but to work, especially in this society. They are not so dumb, but maybe you can show them a little love? They will be very happy, please don't shout at them like "不要吵啦，我在做工"="don't be noisy ! I am working" ... Ahaha they will feel sad D: a kid heart is fragile, but they recover fast, show them some love, show them your sweetness ! Signing off, Ashley Koh #parents #kids #children #wordsareweapon #trouble